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You are currently browsing the archives for the Comedy category.
LET’S GET DRUNK AND PLAY WITH THE BULLS
This is hilarious!
If it doesn’t make you laugh, nothing will.
I didn’t know which dog to watch!!!
| http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=EVwlMVYqMu4&vq=medium#t=125 |
A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.
He told the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.”
The rancher said, “Okay , but don’t go in that field over there…..”, as he pointed
out the location.
The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, ” Mister, I have the authority of the
Federal Government with me !”
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.
“See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On
any land !!
No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear……do you
understand ?!!”
The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA
officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull……
With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely
that he’d sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.
The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs…..
“Your badge, show him your BADGE…….. ! !”
The Candy With The Little Hole
This should make you smile.
You have to love little kids.
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:
Red…………………..Cherry
Yellow………………Lemon
Green……………….Lime
Orange …………….Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, ‘I will give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.’
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled, ‘Oh my God! They’re ass-holes!
The teacher had to leave the room.
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.
So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you
pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.
This catches the senior’s attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. ‘What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?’
The senior doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now it’s the senior’s turn. He asks the lawyer, ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net.
He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, ‘Well, so what goes up a hill with
three legs and comes down with four?’
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
